You've no idea how difficult life can be for a schizophrenic. Every morning we agonise about getting up. Should we get out on the left side of the bed, or the right? Right or left? Left or right? Then we have to think about what to wear. Suit or shorts? Shorts or suit?
OK, I'm not a fully paid-up schizophrenic, just a Gemini, but that amounts to the same thing. So when Audi sent me the Q5, it suited both of us. One day I could be a macho SUV driver, and the next, the driver of a premium estate car.
Audi states that the Q5 has the nature of an SUV, yet in the same breath refers to the car as having the '....character of a performance saloon', although it in no way resembles such a thing: the styling is mid-way between that of an Avant estate car and the meaty and muscular Q7.
In configuration, the Q5 is pure estate car: five seats, a large load platform, and a raked tailgate. In other respects, it is pure SUV: high ground clearance, four-wheel drive, and a rather bluff and pugnacious 'face', with a grille inspired by ram-raiders. And the whole lot rides on a platform that delivers the same sharp, predictable handling as an A6 Avant or an All-Road quattro, the Audi stablemate it most closely resembles.
For ultimate performance you would need to specify a 3.2 FSI petrol model, or the 3.0-litre TDI. But I drove the 2.0-litre TDI model, which trades outright performance for a modest thirst and fewer nasty niffs. This ubiquitous Volkswagen-Audi unit (in its Q5 application) develops 350 Newton-metres across a comparatively narrow torque band: just 750 rpm separates the extremities of the peak output. But the engine reaches the peak threshold at just 1750 rpm, so it pulls well from low speeds, which also benefits off-road driving.
Pushed hard the 1968 cc engine will achieve a rated 0-62 time of 9.5 seconds; but in the hands of someone who isn't a test driver, and with a realistic load, think more like 11 seconds. The trick is to keep the revs in the narrow peak-torque band and change gears accordingly, but most drivers would regard 'short-changing' as counter-intuitive. A peak power of 170 PS is sufficient to sustain a top speed of 126 mph.
Kept to sensible (and legal) limits, the 2.0 TDI ought to deliver an average consumption quite close to the theoretical combined figure of 42.1 mpg. Think around 38 mpg, and you shouldn't be far out. But you would need to keep one eye on the tacho and be prepared to make full use of the six-speed manual 'box, which is standard on the 2.0 TDI model.
With a CO2 rating of 175 g/km, the engine just scrapes into VED Band H, at £175 per annum, making it one of the lowest-footprint models in the Q5 line-up.
The test car was an S-Line model, which at £31,430 places it roughly mid-way in the Q5 price scale. But there is nothing mid-way in the S-Line specification, which is the highest trim level, enhanced on the test car by some £10,000-worth of extras, resulting in a bottom line that exceeded by quite a margin the price of a Q7 with a 3.6 FSI petrol engine.
One of the most significant extras on the test car was the £1,665 'Drive Select' programme, which enables the driver, via an array of controls on the fascia, to adjust the various dynamic parameters that affect the performance and handling of the car, namely suspension, steering and throttle response. Roughly speaking, the settings range from softly-softly to tarmac stage, and further contribute to the Gemini-like nature of the car.
On-road stability is underwritten by the quattro all-wheel-drive system, which defaults to 40:60 front-rear drive, but which will automatically bias-drive either the front or rear wheels in conditions of varying traction.
You might think of the Q5 as a 'soft-roader', and admittedly the quattro system lacks a low-ratio transfer 'box, but the ESP system has reached yet another generation in the Q5, and has been specially fettled to promote safe and secure off-road driving however unfamiliar might be the driver with mucky motoring.
In short, the system has been developed to optimise off-road traction, which it does by recognising the consistency of the road surface and trimming the ABS response to suit. It can distinguish between sand, gravel and loose rocks, and, of course, the resumption of tarmac. Hill-descent-control is built in as well as a sensor that detects the presence of a roof rack (and therefore a shift in the centre of gravity).
SUVs were once characterised by short wheelbases, which almost always resulted in a choppy ride. The Q5 is the polar opposite. A long wheelbase and short overhangs (which also improve ramp and departure angles in off-road driving) have been achieved by placing the differential in front of the clutch, which, in turn, enables the front axle to be moved forward. The result is a 2.81-metre wheelbase, which makes a major contribution to the Audi's excellent ride quality, which resembles that expected of a premium estate car, which sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't.
Among the many other extras appended to the test car was a £1,075 panoramic glass sunroof. Even closed, it floods the interior with light, and apparent extra space, and when fully open, even the rear-seat occupants get to enjoy a degree of al fresco motoring.
eedless to say, the Q5's interior is archetypal Audi. The DNA is as distinctive now as it was 20 years ago, when we first began to see the red lighting, the rectilinear layout, the geometric blend of form and function, and the sheer neatness of it all: epitomising what we imagine is the German mind-set. Art has never featured much in Audi dashboards; it all seems to be the work of a process-control engineer. And the latest-generation MMI interface and advanced satellite navigation screen (part of a £1,955 'Technology' pack) are integrated into the Q5 dashboard without disturbing the intuitive functionality of the whole layout. In fact, it's not so much a dashboard as a command module.
The test car had a powered tailgate, which could be made to rise seemingly of its own accord by blipping a button the on key fob. To close it, you press a button on the inner rim of the tailgate. You are supposed to operate it nonchalantly, as if you are too modest and too cultured to be impressed by such novelty, but I couldn't resist glancing around to see if anyone had noticed what a superior person I was: too posh to lift or close a tailgate. You can also open the 'gate with a button in the door, and this proved extremely practicable during heavy rain, as it provided a kind of ready-erected shelter.
The boot is enormous: some 19 cubic feet with a large load-platform area close to waist height. With the rear seats folded, the capacity increases to 55 cubic feet, and once again reinforces the Q5's alter ego as a sizeable estate car.
I used the Q5 for a short touring holiday during which time I covered in excess of 1,000 miles, up hill and down dale, mainly on minor roads, but with occasional town and motorway stints. Such concentrated driving tends to eclipse the value of all the sophisticated extras, and added value is measured through the seat of your pants rather than by the number of buttons with which to play.
Thus measured merely in terms of day-to-day driveability, the Q5 is subject to its toughest scrutiny, from which two things emerge: firstly, that the two-litre TDI engine would benefit from greater flexibility - the torque is adequate but the band too narrow; and, secondly (and consequently), that fifth gear is too 'long' for all but high-speed cruising. For safe and responsive cross-country driving, fourth is a much better option, and although an overdrive ratio, its frequent (and necessary) use rather compromises the otherwise commendable fuel consumption.
In terms of long-haul comfort, the Q5 scores very favourably, especially when compared with the BMW X3. The same goes for mild off-road use: the Audi is in a different class from its nearest rival. Aside from ride-quality, the excellent (and expected) Audi ergonomics do much to relieve the strain of long hours behind the wheel. The driving position is perfect, and adjustable to the nearest and most comfortable millimetre. Rear-seat occupants are equally well catered for, and with the optional 3-zone climate control (£440) as fitted to the test car, everyone can choose an ambient atmosphere to their liking.
Given my comments regarding the slight mis-match of the engine and transmission, I would be inclined to trade off some the less vital extras (climate cupholder, reversible load mat, etc., etc.,) for the optional and excellent 7-speed twin-clutch transmission, which would then elevate the Q5 into a class of its own. I have consulted my other half, and he agrees.